If men and women were made to be with each other, why is it so hard to find the right guy? And why has technology made things even harder?
It’s no exaggeration to say that men can seem like brick walls – hard to read and understand. On a dating site, they act like they’re interested but they won’t meet me in person.
Are they curious or serious? They live up to their reputation of being afraid to commit.
My friend Jenny was devastated when Jeremy broke up with her after 3 months. He loved her but he wasn’t “in love”.
She was 39, single again and heartbroken. She didn’t want to go back to those digital meat markets – Tinder, Match.com and eHarmony. It’s so easy to get swiped off, blocked or delisted.
But her Grandma Violet gave some advice that actually worked even though she was from a different century and never knew about online dating. That’s because some wisdom is timeless. That’s what “old school” is all about.
Grandpa Frank had passed several years ago and she was single again. Amazingly, two men were now chasing her.
Grandma’s subtle secrets gave Jenny enough confidence to catch Jeremy’s attention and it worked. It even worked with other guys.
Jenny was both happy and sad. She was happy about her situation but sad about other people who were still struggling, such as myself. So she shared these secrets with me and others, for which I will be eternally grateful.
The secrets that Grandma Violet gave to Jenny have helped a lot of people. To learn more about this, click here.
Technology has been both a friend and foe of single people looking to find their life partners.
On the one hand, it makes long distance relationships not only possible, but very successful up to a certain point. People have met and married virtually, never having met in person.
But on the other hand, technology has made the process heartless and painful. That’s because good manners are no longer needed.
In the old days, there would be the goodbye letter or message left on the voicemail. That took effort, either to write that message or make the call. Nowadays, it’s a simple pressing of the button to unfriend a potential match. It doesn’t require any thought or effort.
Because dating apps are glorified catalogs, with pages and pages of pretty faces, it’s easy to jump around. It’s like there’s an unlimited pool of candidates, with more coming in as the guy rejects the ones he doesn’t like as if he were selecting apples at the grocery store.
In other words, men don’t have to put a lot of effort into the chase. What they don’t put effort into, they don’t value.
To compound the problem, it’s easy to hide behind the phone or keyboard with no concept of accountability for one’s words. Thus, a guy can be unbelievably cruel and insensitive oftentimes without realizing it, but too often knowing full well what he’s doing.
Communication is primarily nonverbal. Our body language speaks volumes but that is all lost in online messages. Everything from body posture, facial expressions and eye contact are completely missing. Gone too, is the tone of voice, the rate of speech and volume.
All we are left with are the bare words and bare sentences which take on any tone of voice we wish upon it.
Guess what? We tend to read written communications in as negative a tone as possible. One look at the online wars will confirm that. When we read a message which we’re not sure about, we will understand it pessimistically. Everything becomes sarcastic and spiteful, hateful and insensitive.
To make this ten times worse, modern messaging encourages short incomplete sentences full of abbreviated words, making it even easier to misunderstand.
Here are two dangerous characteristics of short messages:
- No thought goes into the message – we type what we think without filtering it. Whatever comes to mind first gets typed and sent before we have a chance to reflect on it. And those words stay there forever. There is no retraction. Some platforms allow you to delete the message but if someone screen captures it, those words are out there forever.
If we actually thought for a couple of minutes before sending out quick messages, would we still say the same thing or use the same words?
2. No explanation – short messages give no context. Because the communication platforms encourage short bite-size messages, no one wants to type several sentences to explain important points. Thus, people must interpret what is being said on the barest amount of data. And too often, this interpretation tends towards the negative.
Grandma’s subtle secrets help you overcome all of these obstacles to clear communication. It’s well organized, easy to understand and easy to put into practice. The extensive amount of material will help you avoid the numerous pitfalls to establishing a strong relationship.
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